Commiserating Together is NOT Uplifting

Ok I have something that I've been wanting to get off my chest for a while.  It may sound harsh, but I feel comfortable speaking my mind on this because frankly, I've been there.  I spent many many years in the pits, trying to normalize my situation, and drawing solace from this type of thing, only to discover that it doesn't work.  Ok let me back up and tell you what is prompting this.. as a mother of young children, I have naturally been added to a multitude of "mom groups" on social media.  Some are better than others of course, but for the most part, what I typically see is a sounding board for complaining and man bashing behind the protection of Facebook privacy settings.  It's disheartening, it's sad, and it brings to light an obviously widespread problem in our society that we think this is "normal".  Guys... commiserating in solidarity is NOT uplifting one another!  You have it ALL wrong! 

Take a look at these 4 specimens.  What do they have in common?  All four have been posted in the past month in various mom "support" groups that I am a part of.  


Correct me if I'm wrong, but are you feeling very uplifted after reading these?? I think not.  Ladies, if these are the types of posts that resonate with you, it's time to lift yourself out of the gutter and make a promise to yourself that you will do life differently.  Sure, it may provide some immediate comfort to realize that there are other people who are just as miserable as you are, but really, is that changing anything for you?? How is that working out?? 

See, I've lived most of my life in an environment very similar to these posts.  I spent 15 years hating my situation.  From failed relationships to living in my childhood bedroom as an adult to jobs that drained the soul out of me... I would literally cry the entire way to work Monday through Friday, dry my eyes enough to go in, come home angry from things that had happened in the day, and drink a bottle of wine to numb my feelings.  But it was okay, because this was "normal".  I was around enough people who were doing the same thing and the amount of "I'm so proud of you's" I got from my family while living this life would literally make you faint, so surely I was doing something right, right? 

As I got older, the gaps between me and my friends started to grow.  Some of them were equally as miserable as me.  Others were (gasp) genuinely happy. They were doing things that aligned with them and looked forward for even Mondays!  It was mind boggling, but my family assured me that they were all lying.  That they weren't actually making any money and being happy at the same time.  That they weren't actually in loving relationships if they had to post about it.  They assured me that life was all about embracing the suck, and the more you embraced it, the easier it got.  

Hey, maybe that works for some people, but I finally hit a point where I was screaming at the top of my lungs "This is not F*cking normal!" and I was bound and determined to build a life I would ENJOY!  It meant putting earmuffs on around my own parents.  It meant doing the unthinkable and throwing my graduate degree to the birds.  It meant swallowing my pride and my bitterness about the past and saying I absolutely refuse to follow the advice of anyone besides Jesus himself.  And you know what happened??  I cannot relate to these posts anymore!  

If I have reached out to you or if you have seen my posts or followed my journey... please know that I am not doing this to prop myself up or display a certain image.  I am just sick and tired of seeing people stuck in the same place I was for so many years when I know now that there is another way and I don't want you to waste another moment!  For the love of God, there IS another way!  Feeling like a hot mess, depressed, uncomfortable in your skin, and working yourself to the point of mental breakdown is NOT NORMAL!  It may be part of your story and something you have to work through, but DECIDE that you are going to work THROUGH it and get to the other side!  It will be the BEST thing you have ever done for yourself, your spouse, your kids, your parents... literally everyone!  You can do this!  Just decide! 

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  1. I am not a Mom but I definitely believe that what we think and say becomes reality! Gratitude is EVERYTHING. We have a recovery saying that is "Are you living in the problem or the solution?" I choose the solution everyday.

    1. Yes exactly! I know it's a really hard habit to break once you start, but I'm so glad I have given up that way of thinking.

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